Today I made a pact. I think. Is it possible to make a pact with yourself? I’ll check.
My dictionary says the following: “Pact: (noun) an agreement; a league; a compact; a covenant.” Nothing about there needing to be more than one person, so it looks like I’m good. Then again, they may have updated the definition since this was published, seeing as how it’s 15 years older than I am. Maybe I should check online.
My wireless is acting up again, so I’m going to have to stick with what I have. I made a pact today. I have decided that I am going to ride a dolphin, if it’s the last thing I ever do.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
November 3
This is how I see it. I’m 37. I’ve lived a good long life and done many fascinating and inspirational things. Here is a short list:
1) Ate a buffalo chicken pizza.
2) Was offered drugs by a man on a street corner.
3) Witnessed a local folk hero known only as Sombrero Man liberate several bags of Taco Bell takeout from a temporarily vacated Chevy Tahoe.
4) Voted for governor. Twice.
I have no further life goals, save one: to ride a dolphin. And I will one day soon.
Today I typed up my pact and hung it on the wall with the last unused thumbtack in my desk drawer. This way it is always at the front of my mind, never to be replaced by a craving for Chinese food or a sudden urge to spend my nights watching online pornography. The dolphin is more important.
1) Ate a buffalo chicken pizza.
2) Was offered drugs by a man on a street corner.
3) Witnessed a local folk hero known only as Sombrero Man liberate several bags of Taco Bell takeout from a temporarily vacated Chevy Tahoe.
4) Voted for governor. Twice.
I have no further life goals, save one: to ride a dolphin. And I will one day soon.
Today I typed up my pact and hung it on the wall with the last unused thumbtack in my desk drawer. This way it is always at the front of my mind, never to be replaced by a craving for Chinese food or a sudden urge to spend my nights watching online pornography. The dolphin is more important.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
November 5
Sorry for not writing yesterday. I stayed late at work. I’m trying to accumulate overtime hours so that I can finance my voyage to the ocean, where I will harness and ride a dolphin.
When I got home I was planning on spending the rest of the day setting out the logistics of my plan, but that didn’t quite materialize. I turned on the TV for background noise and it turned out that the entire first season of Magnum P.I. was on. Needless to say, after a brief trip to the kitchen for seven microwave burritos, I spent my remaining waking hours on the sofa with Tom Selleck. This is why I love Magnum P.I.:
1) The mustache.
2) I enjoy the predictability.
Since I didn’t get anything done yesterday, I will be working for the rest of the night. Details on what I accomplish later.
When I got home I was planning on spending the rest of the day setting out the logistics of my plan, but that didn’t quite materialize. I turned on the TV for background noise and it turned out that the entire first season of Magnum P.I. was on. Needless to say, after a brief trip to the kitchen for seven microwave burritos, I spent my remaining waking hours on the sofa with Tom Selleck. This is why I love Magnum P.I.:
1) The mustache.
2) I enjoy the predictability.
Since I didn’t get anything done yesterday, I will be working for the rest of the night. Details on what I accomplish later.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
November 6
I realize now that I haven’t really told the whole story behind my desire to ride a dolphin. The reason I am intent on doing so is based on the following:
1) I spent my childhood watching Flipper reruns.
2) I’ve always had a strange fascination of the sea ever since my father lost his life in a tragic Ski-Doo accident off the coast of the Delaware Water Gap.
3) My girlfriend in college was the daughter of an old sea captain who went by the name of Captain Tom, and insisted on calling me “Chief” instead of using my real name.
But that’s not all there is to it. I’m too tired to explain the rest, so I will elaborate tomorrow.
1) I spent my childhood watching Flipper reruns.
2) I’ve always had a strange fascination of the sea ever since my father lost his life in a tragic Ski-Doo accident off the coast of the Delaware Water Gap.
3) My girlfriend in college was the daughter of an old sea captain who went by the name of Captain Tom, and insisted on calling me “Chief” instead of using my real name.
But that’s not all there is to it. I’m too tired to explain the rest, so I will elaborate tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
November 7
Here’s the rest of the story: Every male member of my family has died for one reason or another at the age of 37:
1) Father – Ski-Doo accident.
2) Uncle – crushed by a falling piano. I thought that only happened in cartoons.
3) Grandfather – strangled with his own mustache after winning the World’s Greatest Mustache Competition in Norway. The runner-up was furious, apparently.
4) Great-grandfather – no one knows. He just disappeared.
Seeing as how that is exactly how old I am, as of exactly one month ago, I figure my time is short. Therefore, I must act fast to accomplish my final goal.
1) Father – Ski-Doo accident.
2) Uncle – crushed by a falling piano. I thought that only happened in cartoons.
3) Grandfather – strangled with his own mustache after winning the World’s Greatest Mustache Competition in Norway. The runner-up was furious, apparently.
4) Great-grandfather – no one knows. He just disappeared.
Seeing as how that is exactly how old I am, as of exactly one month ago, I figure my time is short. Therefore, I must act fast to accomplish my final goal.
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